No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
