Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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