The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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