I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
