he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
