I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
