Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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