butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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