Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
