Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
