I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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