We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize