HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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