So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
