Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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