If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
