I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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