TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I just sharted jello shots
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