she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
