Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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