The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
