i wish my penis had a tongue
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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