At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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