There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
