I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
