Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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