you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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