This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
