Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
