We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
