She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
