1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
