I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Boobs speak an international language.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
