I love black thongs
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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