Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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