He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
