I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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