what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
