There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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