i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
