it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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