i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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