Where did you get a picture of my penis
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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