who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
