I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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