Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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