I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
