i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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