I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
