so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
