Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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