Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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