and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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