My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
