I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
