she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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