He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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