I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
