I need to stop coming to work sober
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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