Quick, to the slutcave!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
