That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
