I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
