After last night, I could never be a politician.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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