I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
