Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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