you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
