I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
