both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
