please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
