the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
