ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
