So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
