My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Pooping to opera.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
