Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
