I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
