Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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