i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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