Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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