I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
