she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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