This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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