If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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